REVIEW: BIGFOOT VS D.B COOPER

From iDMb:

When several young hunters arrive at a secluded lodge in the Pacific Northwest little do they know that they will become the hunted.

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Illustration for article titled REVIEW: BIGFOOT VS D.B COOPER em/em

This film–a film about a soldier recently out of vietnam walking up to a well furnished looking house to find a group of young hunters, and then them all finding themselves to be The Hunted–is one that delivers what it promises.

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Not what it promises in the title, a big battle between Bigfoot (a mythical creature) and D.B Cooper (an infamous Aero-Pirate), or on the poster ( A huge, terrifying Bigfoot looms over a small D.B Cooper), or in top billing (Eric Roberts and Linnea Quigley are never seen, they only do voice work) but in homo eroticism, my dear reader. Shirtless twenty something hunks aplenty, working out, changing and wanking in the shower. I say promised because this is very much the recent raison d’être of director David DeCoteau. A connoisseur would expect shirtlessness and terribleness and it delivers. It’s less a horror movie than a horror spoof porn with the actual porn edited out.

It begins with, oh, ten minutes of the shirtless protagonist (Jordan Rodriguez) just walking, no dialogue except some Eric Roberts narration.

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The great thing you can learn about building tension in horror from this film is how its shows some moderately thick pine forest from Bigfoots point of view and then shows a man hiking in completely clear country obviously far away from bigfoot to tense music.

Is bigfoot fucking invisible, we’re seeing the protagonist from Bigfoots point of view and it’s clear Bigfoot is looking from behind a tree in a clearing where the trees are 15 minutes apart. Is the dude BLIND.

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This slow pace is a smart way to make movies because 90% of the time is taken up by shots of guys walking around shirtless or working out shirtless or flexing and posing with guns, shirtless. Very low cost and low energy and the core audience will be satisfied anyway. With all that time saved, however, they could have put a BIT more effort into Bigfoot. I mean, it was from a costume party shop or some shit, disgraceful.

Was Eric Roberts the Fucking Man in this? He was the hero, but grizzly. Very badass and he actually had the most lines in the whole movie. So, absolutely he was the fucking man!

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Notes:

Eric Robert’s narration “We encountered something a lot more dangerous and a hell of a lot bigger than turkeys.” The great thing about this quote is that it’s implicitly taken for fact that turkeys are somewhat dangerous and big to begin with. Well, those turkey bones left by Bigfoot were fucking HUGE, so.

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Abs Abs Abs

Bigfoot is super creepy in this.

Bigfoot’s gonna be enjoying a different type of big foot in hell

D.B Cooper wasn’t daddy enough, imo.

Also, the plane was played by several planes but not the correct plane.

The shorts were TOO LONG FOR THE PERIOD.

This film is my The Velvet Underground, in that it’s not good.

This is reparations for every film focused on nubile young women in bikinis that I have seen.

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